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September 7, 2012
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Rule 1 - Freedom over respect


~Always express your opinion is the most offensive way possible


If we were in a world of perfect gentlemen, we would have the opportunity to only talk to people who respect other people's opinions. For example I would be able to say "Jews and niggers should be exterminated for the sake of the white race supremacy" and my interlocutor would answer "I respect your opinion but I disagree with it". Don't you think that such kind of conversation would be wonderful ? So this is why you MUST, in every circumstances, be as offensive as possible, that way you'll met people that respect each others opinion and offend the brainless masses.
And since this is an art website, don't forget that all the kids are waiting for your constructive critic on their amateur drawing of a original character based on a popular fandom !
Be as honest has you can, being rough can only help them get confidence in their journey !



Rule 2 - The greater purpose


~If I'm right, you're wrong


Let's picture a debate between two fellows : Joey is for chocolate and Nick is for vanilla. The debate rages and no one seems to win ! That was until Nick decided to be the better man and use the "greater purpose" !
"Well, I need more than chocolate" said Nick "and for that matter I need more than vanilla. I believe that we need freedom. And choice when it comes to our ice-cream, and that Joey, that is the definition of liberty."
And Nick brilliantly won the debate, claimed under the crowd's cheers !
Let's make a short analysis : did Nick proved that vanilla was better than chocolate ? did he convinced Joey ? no, he chooses to defend a greater purpose, an argument you can't possibly disagree with : Liberty !

Defending the greater purpose is an easy way to always win any debate, no matter what you're talking about. Let's that an example : the LGBT. The LGBT is a group that defends gay's rights and stuff ? what's a greater purpose than that ? of course ! Everybody's rights ! Now we can combine rule 1 and 2 into a wonderful work of art : a gorgeous stamps with "FUCK LGBT, rights for everyone" ! wonderful !
Now, not only sensible people will be butthurt but any gentleman will see that you are here to defend a greater purpose ! Another example : Jews. You can make a stamp saying "JEWS ARE ALL GREEDY" and explain in the description (don't forget to make a huge wall of text, you don't want stupid people to read it) and explain that since jews are human beings, they all have flaws like every human being.



Rule 3 - The internet can't hurt you


~I did it for fun, it's not my fault if you're in pain


Every time one of the ruthless kids or uneducated women lost on the internet are offended by your freedom of speech, you can use this undeniable argument : it's only the internet. No matter what those crazy yahoos can accuse you of (insulting them, humiliating them, sharing their personal informations, hacking their account, spaming their page, and god knows what ! their imagination is limitless), it's only the internet ! The magical bytes can't hurt you, silly caveman ! I didn't came to your house to do bad thing to you ! so don't blame me, little monkey man. It's the internet, nothing serious.



Rule 4 - Share the fun !


~Don't forget to show kids the example they shouldn't follow


You were peacefully expressing your freedom when suddenly some monkey came from out of nowhere to insult you ? you tried to rationalize him but nothing works ? it get angrier and angrier without any reason ? its sentences does not make any sense ? well, it's certainly not you're fault ! But you tried everything to help him understand common sense, your endless faith in humanity pushes you to only one solution : You have to share this message with your friends, so they can try to rationalize this poor thing. Your deep kindness drives you to help this poor ungrateful fellow understand that he is the problem and not you. You're helping him ! You're such a nice person.



Rule 5 - There is no such thing as "bullying"


~Another silly excuse to clasp my freedom of speech


After spending hours, even days, to try to reason this poor thing, it starts to cry and accuse you of bulling...bulling...this word never made sense and never will. Dear little monkey, YOU came on the internet thinking everybody will agree with you, YOU came to insult me, YOU answered all my messages, YOU decided to NOT ignore me or run away, YOU decided that you were hurt when I told you the truth, YOU came back every damn day to keep humiliating yourself instead of just walking away. It's not my fault, not at all. When someone is robbing you in the street, you don't come back every day to see that guy and hope to get your revenge : You walk away, like every intelligent human being would do ! There is really no such thing as bullying, you did nothing wrong : you were just expressing your freedom of speech.



Rule 6 - Moderators are your friends, rules are your moto


~like every superheroes, you fight crime where the law enforcement can't


If you browse the newest deviations, you will have the opportunity to met another kind of poor souls, those who didn't read the ToS ! Because, unlike us, gentlemen of the internet, there is people who do not read the ToS of every website, every game and every contract they sign ! incredible, isn't it ?
This is why it's your duty, as a gentleman of the internet, to report and inform those people with your arguing skills and legendary amiability. Internet is a serious matter after all ! First, it steals the attention that talented artist should have. then if everybody starts making fanart of a popular show, nobody would watch it ! It's exactly like selling pirated copies of the source material ! Not only it undeniably hurt the source material but it also forces the owner to sue and condemned deviantart for hosting the crime and destroy the rest of the internet ! The very fate of deviantart and Art itself is in your hands ! You MUST do something ! What if a 12 years old boys sees something as offensive as the body of a naked woman ? he will be scarred for life !! He will end as a pedo-necrophiliac rapist that uses his knifes to makes new holes to fit his penis into ! They very FATE of all the future raped toddlers is in YOUR hands !
And don't forget rules 1, 2, 4 and 5, because those criminals are often young people who are really easy to butthurt hard to resonate.


To help you in your mission, I made you a little example of the message you can post :

You fucking faggot fag fag fag, this is against the fuckin ToS, your fucking retard ! I'm going to report it and report every fucking piece of your crappy faggot gallery so it get cleaned out by the mods, not only you will cry in your own retard feces but you will NEVER be able to join back deviantart, you sick piece of shit ! You fucking suck, everything you like is fucking shit, all of your friends are retarded faggot and your mom sucks hobo's dicks full or herpes in a dumpster, faggot !

cordially, :username:


You informed him of the rules and warned him about the consequences, you did the right thing, like an internet gentleman. He got no reason to be angry at all ^^



Finally


Try not to spent too much time or to brag about your achievements against crime and ignorance, you're here to share and appreciate art after all ~

:icongarsedj:
A useful guide for every DA troll ! (also how to spot them)
rule 1 - as the fucking attention whore you are, insult everybody and hide yourself behind freedom of speech
"fuck bronies, fuck twilight, hitler did nothing wrong and we're in a free country"
rule 2 - use uncounterable arguments like freedom of speech to makes things looks like black and white
"there is people starving in africa and you're complaining about this ?" works every time
rule 3 - ultimate argument for every troll
"it's just a game"
rule 4 - shitload of troll groups on the internet
BHB have recently been deleted, seems like mods finally saw through
rule 5 - follow the rule 3
it's just a game and you lost it
rule 6 - use the rules to be a total prick and nobody can't blame you ! not even the mods !
Tos are just a checkbox, doesn't surprise me that nobody is reading them >_>

finally - my personal uncounterable argument against people who thinks that trolling is artistic performance

this text must be full of grammatical mistakes, correct them if you have time to waste
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:iconthemainmon:
Rule 1: Be a total dick while not getting banned.
Reply
:icongarsedj:
~garsedj Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
being a total dick, spread a crap ambiance on DA, harras people who are drawing fetish/sexy/fanart isn't a "good" reason for being banned
drawing a dildo is !
Reply
:icondomishi:
Honestly, this makes me giggle inside. But its also a little too satire. You over work it and don't space it out well. I'd work on that before you get caught up with yourself.

Still, well done, sir.
Reply
:icongarsedj:
~garsedj Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't know if I want this to be a subtle satire of da trolls or a clear list of their methods...
I'm still adding rules from time to time...
Reply
:icongarsedj:
~garsedj Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Trollface is more about jokes, I'm talking about real trolls
Reply
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